Aug 2022

 Hello and welcome to 11^th monthly VAWG vigil – Violence against Women and Girls.

I am Sarah Ford.

When I started planning this speech I began to realise how incredibly angry I was about life in general at the moment. You will be glad to know that I jettisoned most of my initial thoughts. But what remains is this - why is it such a battle to get HEARD on this issue of equality AND why is being treated with the same fairness that is accorded to men such a hard slog. We meet here once a month to hold unknown women in our thoughts and hearts who have died at the hands of men just because they are women. So why bring in the whole of the general inequity in life into this, because it is this inequality that has allowed men to use us as punch bags because of their inarticulacy and rage AND because it is not seen as the epidemic that it is?

Now each month we have had tremendous contributions from different speakers and this month I would like to focus on the impact of these many deaths. Imagine a stone thrown into a large pond. The point of initial impact starts with the immediate family;

then ripples out to the neighbours who knew these women;

then schools if they had children or indeed if they taught in one;

then to any community or religious groups they belonged to;

then out to the whole neighbourhood;

then to complete strangers, like you and I,

all of us considering the impact on our own safety and of our family’s safety.

We women are once again reminded what we were taught as we grew up. For me, the only way my father could protect me was to tell me what to do when someone did attack me. It was never if but when. My generation was brought up with this mind set, and I can report some of my 20 year old students have had the same conversations with their parents. The one thing that is not being discussed is “boys don’t do it”.

So I have picked out someone from each month since we started this vigil on the 4^th September 2021, for us to reflect on the ripples of their murders. I chose randomly from the website we rely on, which is run by Karen Ingala Smith called Counting Dead Women. It does what it says on the label. These examples come from all over the UK, they are of different ages, from different cultures originally, the only thing that they do have in common is being women.

September 2^nd 2021 – Fawaziyah Haved (31) from West Yorkshire ‘fell’ to her death from Arthur’s seat in Edinburgh. Her husband Kashif Answr (27) has been charged with her murder. She was a charity worker, volunteered with a homeless charity and was pregnant at the time.

October 12^th 2021 – Katrina Rainey (50s) died from 95% burns after being trapped alive in a burning car, in Derry, NI. Her husband Thomas Rainey has been charged with her murder.

November 20^th 2021 – Bobbi-Anne McLeod (18) reported missing after failing to meet friends in Plymouth. Her body was found on 23^rd. Cody Ackland (24) abducted her off the street as she waited for a bus and bludgeoned her to death.

December 17 2021 – Lilly Sullivan (17) did not return from a night out and her body was found dumped in Pembroke, Wales. Lewis Haines has been charged with her murder.

January 23^rd 2022 – In Norfolk, Lauren Malt 19 was run over twice by her father Nigel Malt (44) as she tried to stop him attacking her boyfriend with a crowbar. He has been charged with her murder.

February 6 2022 – Katy Harris (52) found with serious injuries at her home in Derbyshire. Her husband, Conrad Iyayi (44), has been charged with her murder. She was an art teacher at a special needs school with three children aged 28, 23, 11.

March 24 2022 – Yasmin Begum (40) stabbed to death in her home in East London by her estranged husband Quyym Miah (40). Her children were 4 & 9, and it was the school that alerted the police because she had not picked up her children.

April 16 2022 – Alyson Nelson (64) stabbed to death in Whitehead, County Antrim. William Finlay (66) (her ex-partner) was charged with her murder along with the aggravated offence of domestic abuse, a new offence under the new Domestic Abuse Law in NI.  She was former midwife, mother & grandmother.

May 1^st 2022 – Diana Gabaliene (33) strangled by her husband Deividas Gabalis (40) in Lincolnshire, who then hanged himself. They had 3 children who are now being raised by her sister.

June 21^st 2022 – Sakunthala Francis (89) Croydon, S London stabbed to death by her grandson, Verushan Manoharon.

July 28^th 2022 – Lilia Valutyte (9) stabbed in the street in Boston, Lincolnshire. Deividas Skebas has been charged with her murder.

These killings have been going on for millennia, so how do we change this mind set? It’s through activism; such as the simple act of turning up here each month holding the politicians and media to account. One of our issues is the lack of political will to change this AND the bias in media coverage on this issue, but I do believe this has changed in the last year. The words VAWG are now used in the media when discussing this issue. The women are not being investigated first for what they did to engender this behaviour, instead their loss is discussed. I believe this began with the outrage over the murder of Sarah Everard. We had been angry before but finally the press began to hear. It’s still not enough, but it is a beginning.

There is also a campaign by the London Mayor, Saddiq Khan, addressing men’s behaviour towards women with #HaveAWord. This campaign came with TV advertising AND with the cooperation of all the London men’s football and rugby clubs, who placed banners in the men’s loos regarding this issue, amongst other things. This is activism in action. This is men going, ok I hear you. This is a start but we need more.

And last but not least our Borough – London Borough of Richmond Upon Thames - signed up be a White Ribbon organisation last year. They are addressing this issue through how the council is organised, with workshops for teachers about how to address this issue in the classroom, and actively campaigning in November during the 16 days of the International campaign on VAWG. The White Ribbon pledge is to never use, excuse or remain silent around men’s violence against women and girls. We all know that violence starts with micro-agressions. By calling these out it can stop this cycle of violence.

Activism takes time & energy; it is about bringing about political and social change and our vigil each month is a physical reminder of this issue. In the words of Billy Jean King “progress is fragile, tenuous and you must keep your eye on the ball.” She also says, “to have a clear vision of your goal. What does it look like?” So I would like us to finish with this thought, what does our end goal of true equality look like. Is it men having no compunction in calling out sexist behaviour?  Envision whatever it is in your mind, and keep going back to it whenever the going gets tough, which it will. Because with this end goal you will find motivation, inspiration and hope to continue to fight for change.